Under fire Mayor of Toronto, Rob Ford, who has been at the centre of a political storm following the release of a video which purports to show the burly politician smoking crack cocaine, is said to be “delighted” with the news that illegal online marketplace Silk Road is set to reopen.
“I can’t tell you how much of a relief it is,” claimed Mr. Ford, pictured receiving the news of the site’s relaunch. “Being a political and public figure makes it increasingly difficult to maintain a drug habit. I’d have to procure my drugs through street dealers who always seem to have some sort of videoing equipment trained on me.”
“At least with Silk Road I can buy the stuff online and never run the risk of my drug taking becoming public knowledge. Unless of course I drunkenly allow myself to appear in videos showing me smoking crack. But hopefully that won’t happen, again.”
“With the reopening of Silk Road I can separate my private life from my public duties and keep knowledge of my mistakes away from the voting public. That’ll allow me to start restoring the confidence of the voters I’ve lost by consuming my drugs privately, as a politician should,” explained Mr. Ford
The under pressure politician, who saw his popularity with young drug users take a sharp upswing when news of his drug taking was made public, has become the darling of the political community, who are in awe of how he has managed to stay in office in spite of public pleas for him to step down.
“I think he’s a genius,” praised British Prime Minister David Cameron. “If I had some way to keep my hobbies of sending people to die in wars, sniggering at plebeians and blatantly lying a secret from the public, then I’d wrap both hands around it and squeeze it close as if it was Margaret Thatcher’s penis.”
Former U.S. president, Bill Clinton, is also said to be a big fan of Mr. Ford’s cavalier attitude, “If I had of known that smoking crack would go over so well with voters aged 18-35 I’d never have denied inhaling marijuana. I’d have rolled a spliff on the silky smooth thighs of Monica Lewinsky and wreathed the Oval Office in a fog of silvery spliff smoke.”
Owners of Silk Road are keen to capitalise on Mr. Ford’s use of the site to buy drugs, “It’s just the kind of hypodermic shot in the vein the site needs to promote its relaunch to potential users,” claimed an unnamed programmer working for the site.
