Graham

Ancient carvings discovered in a cave in the Lake District, England, are believed to categorically prove that dubstep is shite. Experts believe that the carvings are over twenty-five thousand years old and

In breaking news from the electronic dance music industry, a “cute as fuck” kitten video has been confirmed as a headliner for this year’s Tomorrowland Festival. The festival, which takes place in

In breaking news from the internet, Kylie Jenner’s left tit is now believed to be embarking on a career as a DJ. Jenner’s left tit, not to be confused with the tit

Chilean-German DJ Ricardo Villalobos has announced that he is set to star in a brand new reality TV series called Man Vs Drugs. According to network bosses, the show will follow a

According to clubland sources, all warm up DJs are to be replaced with central heating systems by the year 2020. The decision was made during a secret meeting at the annual Promoters

The entire world has been left in shock after Ruby Rose admitted that she is not a real DJ or even a real rose. The news comes as a major surprise to

In completely unsurprising news from the dance music industry, it is now exactly eight thousand days since DJ Sneak was relevant. The news broke early this morning after a blogger, with lots

According to recent tests, one hundred percent of the world’s bags of cocaine contain traces of front door key. Juan Antonio, a Colombian bullshit artist, claims that front door keys are added

An ageing DJ who claims to have shagged “over a thousand tens” has admitted that he will eventually have to start shagging “nines or even eights” eventually. Larry Murphy, a.k.a. DJ Lady

News emerging from a local statistician’s office suggests that quiet nights in now involve more drink and drugs than nights out. Ian Holmes claims that people who stay in for a quiet