Graham

A reformed alcoholic has admitted that, despite the obvious improvements to his life, he definitely misses the sleazy him from his previous lifestyle. Wayne Dolan, who hasn’t inappropriately groped a woman in

An orchestra which was booked to play house music has forced a local promoter into bankruptcy after its excessive rider demands completely “cleaned him the fuck out”. Barry O’Neill, the recently bankrupt

British DJ and producer Ross From Friends has denied that he has quit music and insists that they are just “on a break”. Ross From Friends, not to be confused with Ross

London Metropolitan Police has announced the immediate hiring of an expert emoji code breaker, in the form of a twelve-year-old girl from Dunstable. According to sources within the Police, Tracy Barker, the

A pothead has been left feeling “utterly disappointed and let down” after smoking a full bottle of CBD oil last night. Michael Smith, a thirty-six -year-old who should know better, claims he

Martin Garrix has announced that he is set to release his first autobiography, LIFE = CRAZY, which will come with free crayons, stickers and include a state of the art pop-up section.

A man who made a large bag of mushrooms “disappear” at a house party is reportedly now fully convinced that he is some sort of wizard. According to other people at the

A DJ who constantly posts on social media about “clueless muppets” asking him to play requests while he is gigging has revealed that he secretly longs to “throw away the shackles of

A girl who sniffed a quarter of coke while “spring cleaning” her house last Saturday, apparently refused to eat McDonald’s the next day, claiming it was far too unhealthy. Imogen Reilly, a

Sources within the music industry have revealed that the term “guest list already closed” is actually an encrypted code word for “fuck off you stingy cunt”. According to Instagram account TheSectretPromoter, the