Graham

Irish shit bag Bono has confirmed that every time he clicks his fingers, a tech house launches somewhere in the world. Speaking in his usual preachy and patronising way, Bono claimed that

A woman who has claimed she “can’t live without coffee” has reportedly been exposed as an “insufferable melt” by one of her colleagues. Jennifer Black, a twenty-six-year-old admin worker from Inverness, Scotland,

Unconfirmed reports from the American deep south claim the illustrious Cotton-Eye Joe has finally come out of hiding. According to redneck Jebediah Jones, Cotton-Eye Joe, real name Joseph Clinton, moved into his

In a worrying turn of events, a leading environmentalist has claimed that the “jungle is no longer massive”. Speaking at a recent summit about the reduction in jungle size, Rebel MC, a.k.a.

Dutch trance stalwart Armin van Buuren has announced plans to shake up the world’s clubbing landscape by opening an upside nightclub. After famously playing an upside DJ set in a custom built

An unnamed English footballer has reportedly claimed he hopes England get knocked out of the World Cup at the group stages so he can attend a festival. According to rumours, the player,

A bedroom producer who recently purchased a rare and complicated modular synth is excited at the prospect of releasing fuck all music in the coming months. Marc Mooney, aka Moon Mac, bought

German electronic music pioneers Kraftwerk have this week unveiled their brand new Standing-Here-Doing-Fuck-All show. The quartet debuted their new show at an extremely low key event on Monday in a small venue

A railway worker has caused mass confusion in the electronic music community after telling people he was going to work to “knock out some tracks”. Stephen Wilson sparked a massive outcry on