An unnamed English footballer has reportedly claimed he hopes England get knocked out of the World Cup at the group stages so he can attend a festival.
According to rumours, the player, believed to be a senior member of England’s squad, has bought tickets for Labyrinth Open Festival, which takes place in Omiš, Croatia, from 11-14 July.
Sources in England claim the news has come as a great shock to the English football community, however, further afield, nobody outside of England seems to see any issue with it, with most people agreeing “England will probably go out at the group stages anyway”.
Festival organisers have claimed they will be happy to accommodate the player, and even bump him up to VIP, should he get his wishes.
“Labyrinth Open festival is actually a partner of Labyrinth Club in Belgium so, as Belgium are also in England’s group, a lot of us here are hoping England get knocked out at the group stages too,” a spokesperson told us yesterday.
“Looking at their previous World Cup performances, I really don’t think he has too much to worry about,” he continued with a giggle. “So, we’ve decided, if England do go out, we’re going to make him our unofficial guest of honour.”
Wunderground also spoke to former England midfielder, and keen Sherlock Holmes fan, James Milner, “Well, looking at the evidence presented, I think I have a good idea who the culprit is, Dr Watson,” he said with a cheesy grin while seamlessly slipping into Holmes’s character.
“Let’s look at the lineup, Len Faki, Amelie Lens, Dubfire, Joris Voorn, Guy J, B.Traits, Hernan Cattaneo, Alex Niggemann, Stephan Bodzin, there’s only one English footballer who likes all of these artists.”
“I’m not going to say who he is, but let’s just say, his first name begins with a J and his last name rhymes with Mardy.”
If you would like the chance to laugh at an English footballer who has just been eliminated from the World Cup, or even just attend a really great party, click here for more information and tickets.