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Berghain Hope To Resume Not Letting People In Sometime This Year

Berghain Hope To Resume Not Letting People In Sometime This Year

The legendary Berlin club Berghain, famous around the world for its strict door policy, had said it hopes to resume turning people away at some stage this summer.

“2020 was awful’ said Hans-Christian Nutcracker, who told Wunderground he was ‘the guy who puts the stickers on the phones.’

“It’s been tough, not-not welcoming all these people into our prestigious venue for so many months.”

“For years, we had tourists coming from all over the world, queuing outside for hours on end in the freezing cold and in the depths of winter, only to be turned away without explanation and forced to scurry over to Watergate or Sisyphos like English-speaking rats.”

“Now… they don’t come at all.”

“It’s really sad for clubbing, you know? Getting turned away from Berghain is a right of passage for many clubbers.”

“You see them posting online in their thousands. Photos taken while standing in the queue and then five hours later, posting about being turned away, and how it won’t stop them trying again next time.”

“Nothing says I love clubbing like not actually going clubbing, right?”

“Obviously, we turn most people away to keep the non-clubbers out of the club. We only want the real diehards in Berghain.”

“Some people behind the scenes make the point that ‘if they’ve travelled from the other side of the world and have queued outside in silence for 4 hours – they’re probably genuine in their love for the club’ but… well, we just ignore that. Makes too much sense for me to think about when I’m high, and I’m always high.”

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“Usually we have the biggest queues in Berlin, but last year it was the supermarkets. That was hard to watch. The supermarkets are stupid though, they let everybody in – then the queue gets smaller. Sure, that’s how queues are supposed to work, but how are the people who work in the supermarkets supposed to build a false sense of smugness and superiority if everybody is allowed in?”

“Seems pointless!”

“Once Covid fucks off, it will be a dream to start welcoming clubbers again. To see them arriving in taxis. To watch them standing in the queue for hours, excitement growing as the hours pass and the queue dwindles. Then, telling them to fuck off with the shake of the head and watching their walk of shame, heads bowed, past the queuing herd, hoping not to be noticed before apologetically bundling into taxis bound for whatever second-rate club they think will still have them.”

“That’s what I miss most about clubbing.”

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