Wunderground’s field correspondent at Tomorrowland has just reported that the festival’s silent disco, an event where music is played through wireless headphones instead of out loud through speakers, has become a cacophony of uninterrupted flatulence.
Wunderground interviewed DJ Xilent, the poor man who spun for the rank crowd, “Unfortunately, I see, or rather I hear and smell, this at almost every silent show I play,” he commented. “No one realizes that, unlike a normal rave, their disgusting farts aren’t drowned out by a deafening sound system.”
For many ravers the putrid din was eye opening. Festival attendee Conor (23) said, “my headset turned off accidentally, and at first I didn’t know what had happened. I just thought Xilent had dropped a new Dimitri Vegas & Like Mike collab, that per usual sounded like shit. After a few minutes, though, I realised it was the sound of every person next to me freely letting one go.” He then added, “I used to think raves smelled awful because of all the sweat, spilled beer, and French people, but now I know better.”
Many also reported that the festival’s popular Indian chickpea curry wraps contributed to the disco reeking like a rotting whale carcass in a locker room after a football match.
When asked to comment, the festival organisers acknowledged that there were problems with the event, “While this experience wasn’t up to the high standards we have here at Tomorrowland, be assured that we are already working on ideas to improve it. In the future we’ll give our medical staff Bloateze to distribute to ravers in need, which will help alleviate both the smell and the sheer number of farts that occur on festival grounds.”
Some did find the gaseous cloud’s silver linings, however. Aoife (age 19) told us “sure I had to listen to a lot of farting, but it was also really easy to hear lads who were snorting coke out in the open. I managed to score enough lines to make my nose completely numb, and I couldn’t smell anything after that. So, overall it was a great experience. I’ll definitely be back next year!”