A seventeen year old DJ, who only got decks at Christmas and has already mastered the sync function, has confirmed that all music made before 2005 is definitely shit.
Robert Walsh, the DJ in question, believes that music made pre 2005 will never stand up to the test of time and will be virtually unknown in ten years.
“It’s all shit,” he told us earlier. “Every last bit of it, even the good stuff. I ain’t got no time for any of it. My dad thinks I’m mad but I’m like ‘there’s no way the Rolling Stones are better than Stormzy’ I guarantee you people will still be singing Shut Up in two or three hundred years time. Do you think people will even know who Mick Jagger was? I seriously doubt it.”
“I really can’t stand all of that stuff that’s made on instruments either, even the new stuff,” continued the adolescent. “It’s bloody 2017, why would you bother learning an instrument these days? There’s all sorts of computer stuff that can make the noises for you. Give it ten years and I guarantee you nobody will be learning instruments anymore. It’s like teaching your kids how to wash dishes when you’ve got a dishwasher. Pointless.”
“Basically, if it’s not deep house or grime it’s totally fucking shite,” claimed Walsh. “Mozart, The Beatles, Run DMC, Sasha and Digweed or whoever, I don’t care, if it came out before my memory of music begins I don’t want to know about it, and, as the premier track selector in my family, I think my opinion counts.”
Wunderground also spoke to Alan Walsh, Robert’s father, who told us, “Don’t mind that little prick, he was listening to NSYNC and Hannah Montanna this time last year, the little doofus hasn’t got a clue. He thinks, because he got a set of decks, he’s god’s gift to music, he can’t even use the fucking things yet, I’m just humouring him because it shuts him up for a few minutes.”
At the time of going to press, Mr Walsh had reportedly changed his opinion after realising that Darude Sandstorm was made in 2001.