An independent report on behaviour at music festivals has found that people who chose to climb scaffolding are total cunts.
According to the report, people who chose to climb scaffolding at festivals needlessly endanger their own life and the lives of others and completely ruin the buzz for everyone else.
Festival expert, and avid climber, Martin Dawson spoke to Wunderground, “I love festivals and I love climbing but I’d never choose to do them at the same time,” he told us. “That would be totally fucking stupid, they’re both great fun but pretty much chalk and cheese when it comes to environment and mindset.”
“You’d have to be an absolute cunt to go climbing things at festivals,” he continued. “It probably looks like it’s easy and safe but so does driving and you’d never do that after you’d been caining drink and drugs for the last forty eight hours with nothing but a couple of twenty minute k holes as sleep.”
“If you do decide to do be a cunt and climb stuff you probably deserve whatever happens to you,” claimed Dawson. “The only problem is that you’ll probably be such a cunt that you’ll hurt other people in the process. I’m all about natural selection but if you climb fifty feet in the air and fall on someone’s head that’s not natural, no non-cunt life is a worth a cunt’s life so, the next time any of you cunts feel like climbing something, fuck off and do it somewhere else.”
According to the report, other cunts at festivals include; people who steal from tents, people who fight, people who sell fake drugs and EDM DJs.