A music producer who has failed to have a single track signed in ten years is refusing to have his tracks professionally mastered because he sees it as a “piece of piss”.
Steven Colgan, who produces under the alias Colgate, feels that record labels are “too up their own arses” to signe his music, blaming his lack of success on politics rather than his own shortcomings.
“I know it’s got nothing to do with the tracks because my music is
“People are always asking me if I get my tracks professionally mixed and mastered, the daft sausages,” he said with a giggle. “Why would I do that? I’ve been producing electronic music for ten years now so I think I know what I’m doing. Anyway, making the music is the tough bit, the mastering is just a load of messing around. It’s a piece of piss. Some people will believe anything they hear on the internet.”
“I’ve been sending off demos for ten years now without having a single track signed,” continued Colgan. “After the first eight or so years, I got a bit downhearted about it all but then I decided I wasn’t gonna let some big wig sitting up in his ivory tower get the better of me, so I’m just gonna keep sending them until, eventually, something sticks.”
“One of these days they’re going to actually listen to one of my tracks, and when they do, they’re going to be falling all over themselves to get me signed up,” Colgan explained. “All I have to do is be persistent. It worked with my wife, she said no to me the first fifty or sixty times I asked her out but
“Then I got her pregnant and she had no choice but to me marry me,” he said smugly. “And we’ve been happily married ever since. Well, I’m not so sure about the happily bit but you get where I’m coming from.”
Mr Colgan’s wife has confirmed that her husband is, in fact, a “shit producer” but insisted she will continue to encourage his production because the only peace and quiet she gets, is when he is in the spare room, or “the studio” as he likes to call it.
