The Chuckle Brothers have reportedly been arrested after an intricate “to me to you” heroin distribution ring was infiltrated by undercover police officers.
Brothers Barry And Paul Elliot have been on Scotland Yard’s radar for a number of years now but unlike most washed up television stars of their age they were being investigated for drug related offenses rather than sexual abuse accusations.
“We’ve had an undercover officer posing as Pat Sharpe surveying the Chuckle Brothers for the last six years,” explained an unnamed police source. “The officer was very convincing, he’s even had plastic surgery to look more like Pat Sharpe and entered into sexual relationships with both Melanie and Martina Grant, also known as the Fun House twins, they’ve been police informants for years after ninety percent of television presenters from the 1990’s tried to groom them.”
“The brothers first came to our attention after we noticed how much of a skag head Barry looked like,” continued the anonymous officer. “When we looked a little closer it became clear that these guys were very big players in Britain’s heroin market. We’ve even made direct links between them and the Taliban and, worse again, Pete Doherty. If it’s skag in Britain the chances are the Chuckle Brothers have had their hand on it somewhere along the line.”
“They’ve been operating a very sophisticated ‘to me to you’ distribution ring,” claimed the source. “So the heroin is constantly beign passed around between their trusted network of lieutenants, making it extremely difficult to track but after a lengthily investigation and some excellent police work we’ve finally put together a case strong enough to take this vile scum off the street for once and for all.”
“I’ll sleep well tonight safe in the knowledge that the Chuckle Brothers are no longer poisoning our nation’s youth.”
So far the Chuckle Brothers have failed to comment on the accusations, although it is rumoured that the brothers have been unable to speak since their mouth has been constantly full after being passed around “to me to you” like currency in their prison holding cell.
