A young Scottish man has described his first day in a new job as the “best day ever” after suffering sexual harassment at the hands of a number of older women in his work place.
Dane O’Neill, a twenty one year old data entry clerk, told friends he “can’t wait” to get back to work after receiving a number of bum slaps and pinched on his first day in the office.
“It’s fucking brilliant mate,” claimed a clearly happy Dane earlier. “The office is full of women and they’re all mad for me. I haven’t had my arse groped that much since I done a week as an altar boy when I was twelve, and that was by a filthy old priest, this is by women, with tits and fannies, minimum wage has never felt so good.”
“I’ve had bum pinches, boob brushes, one ‘accidental’ crotch touch with the back of a hand, I’ve had my lap sat and a Sharon Stone fanny flash” he continued enthusiastically. “And that’s all only on the first day, I wouldn’t be surprised if I get laid or get a blowie by the end of the week, a quick wank in the toilets at the very least.”
“I was going to the shop on my lunch break and I asked a couple of the ladies if they’d like anything brought back,” he said. “One of them told she only likes ‘big sausages’ and another said ‘only if you’re on the menu’, they were both pretty old and minging but you definitely still would, beats working anyway, that’s for sure.”
According to the majority of Dane’s female colleagues, the young man is an extremely welcome piece of “eye candy” and has been the cause of quite a few “wet patches” on the office furniture.
“Oh he’s gorgeous,” claimed fifty three year old Jacinta Flowers. “I’d probably get locked up if I told you the things I’d do to that lad. This year’s Christmas party is going to be interesting to say the least.”
Reports indicate that Mr O’Neill left approximately two hours early for work this morning and plans on staying an extra “couple of hours” in the evening, at no extra cost to his employer.
