Essex’s Population To Drop Below 1,000 For First Time As Everyone Moves To Ibiza For Summer

The population of Essex, England, is set to drop below one thousand people for the first time in recorded history as everyone is set to move to Ibiza for the summer.

The annual summer migration from Essex to Ibiza is a well trodden path, with migrant numbers usually reaching six figures. However, this year, due to uncertainty over Britain’s future in the European Union, that number is likely to increase ten fold.

“I’m definitely going Ibiza for the summer this year,” claimed Natalie, twenty one. “If we do this Brexit thingy I might not get another chance because Britain won’t be in Europe anymore, I think they’re going to move us over beside Australia somewhere and while it’ll be nice and hot over there they have way more spiders than Ibiza so I’m going to go there, init?”

“I’ll probably be a shot girl or a hostess because I’m well fit,” continued the Chelmsford native. “Either that or I’ll just sell ket and pills. I would sell coke too, only I seen what happened to them girls who ended up in a prison in Peru a couple of years ago. I wouldn’t last ten minutes in them jails. The local lezos would pass me around like a meaty ice lolly. I’m far too on fleek for places like that.”

“All my friends are going to be over there too so there really isn’t anything to stay in Essex for this summer,” revealed the young lady, who recently underwent reconstructive breast enlargement reduction surgery. “Even my mum and dad are moving over there this year, actually, everyone in my family apart from my nan and grandad are and even they’ll be over for the closing parties. They may as well just rename the entire island Ibessex.”

According to reports from political sources, local authorities in Ibiza are considering introducing an “Essex tax” which will see people from the English county pay an extra twenty five percent tax on all tanning products and services.