A man who managed to break his laptop by ramming a bottle of water into the screen has been found trying to piece together the events that unfolded during a 17-hour bedroom sesh.
Known as a “bit of a thick cunt” to his mates, 56-year-old Jeff Oakes is believed to have hammered over 15 pills, 3 grams of coke and 10 pints of Stella, leading to him trying to offer a sip of his water to a like-minded raver during a virtual festival being shown via Facebook Live, only for it to go all over the screen and keyboard.
“I can’t work out what happened” Jeff told us. “I guess it all started when I took a pill in August 1988, and now I’m a dinosaur with a broken MacBook, what the fuck’s gone on here?”
Despite jaded memories, a comedown from hell and over £1,000 worth of damages, Jeff still found time to have a laugh about it – “what can I say? I was massive on the scene in the 90s hanging out at the Hacienda and Shelleys, everyone knew me. I even did a warm-up set for Brandon Block in 1997 and went on a six-day bender involving brasses, leprechauns, penguins and the Italian mafia – this water fiasco is nothing to worry about. Ask my Mrs, she will tell you how much of a laugh I am”.
Wunderground managed to grab a quick comment from Jeff’s ex-wife, Karen – “I left him in 2006 because of his stupidity, I guess he hasn’t noticed I’ve gone.”
Too old to go to raves, too young to retire from them. Where does that leave me? Writing for Wunderground.