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Psytrance Fan Dies After Paramedic Refuses To Give Mouth To Mouth

Psytrance Fan Dies After Paramedic Refuses To Give Mouth To Mouth

A psytrance fan has reportedly died after a paramedic refused to attempt mouth to mouth resuscitation on him.

According to witnesses, emergency services were called after the psytrance fan became ill during a small festival in the Welsh countryside.

Paramedics rushed to the scene, which they described as “horrific”, but were unable to resuscitate the psytrance fan, who was pronounced dead shortly afterwards.

“I’ve never seen anything like it in my life,” claimed Alex Watkins, the first emergency responder. “There were crusties everywhere. It looked like an episode of The Walking Dead, only instead of feasting on humans, they were feasting on flagons of Aldi cider and cheap Polish amphetamine, it’s a scene that will haunt my dreams for years.”

“And the smell, Jesus Christ the smell,” he said while reliving the horror. “I can still feel it burning my nose every time I think about it. The poor fella who got sick never stood a chance, there isn’t a paramedic in the world who’s been trained to deal with a situation like that.”

Official reports suggest the cause of death is still unknown, however, it is suspected he may have suffered a severe allergic reaction to soap he came into contact with in the onsite toilets.

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“We haven’t really been able to tell too much about the victim,” claimed one hospital source. “He’s covered in a thick layer of crust so until it has been removed all we currently know is that he is a skinny man, aged somewhere between eighteen and sixty five with straw-like hair. We’re also pretty sure he’s caucasian but we can’t be sure until we soak him in some sort of solvent for a couple of hours.”

After attempting an autopsy, a coroner later revealed that the victim was actually a scarecrow and not a man as was first believed.

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