Passionate Scot’s are said to be “ecstatic” over the release of Trainspotting 2, as they believe it will “improve” their nation’s reputation for a “wee bit”.
The film, which focuses on the trials and tribulations of heroin addicts living in Edinburgh, is said to give outsiders an “unrealistic” opinion on a country which is far worse than director, Danny Boyle, suggests, leaving many “disappointed” when they eventually visit.
“Boyle has made us look like an interesting and enthusiastic bunch with semi-good looks,” said Bobby McCray. “We are none of those things. People see Trainspotting and think Scotland is a fun and lively place to visit. It isn’t, you will get murdered. Hopefully, for a few weeks after the movie is released, tourism will rise, leading to a stronger economy and, of course, more outsiders to punch in the face, especially the English, I fucking hate them cunts.”
Wunderground caught up with local shop owner, Peggy McSweagan, with regards to what she expects will happen when Trainspotting 2 hits the cinemas, “I can’t wait, it’ll really put us back on the map,” she said delightfully. ”People forget we’re a wonderful nation, responsible for bagpipes, Irn Bru, whisky, kilts, Ally McCoist and Jackmaster. This film will bring visitors here and we can show them what great people we are.”
“We’ve repaired a lot of the damage Andy Murray has caused, that tosser has made people severely hate us,” she continued. “How one man can ruin the whole of Scotland’s reputation is beyond me but he managed it. Let’s hope Renton, Spud and Begbie give us back the glorious reputation we had in ninety seven and people see Scotland as a great place to visit once again.”