Total Mental Breakdown Actually Just A Hangover
A man who was actively seeking psychiatric treatment after suffering what he believed to be a total mental breakdown has downgraded his current condition to “just a hangover”.
Michael Windsor was reportedly “confused and flustered” this morning after a late night drinking session left him in a mentally unstable condition and unable to attend work.
“I was in a really bad state when I woke up this morning,” confirmed Mr Windsor to Wunderground earlier. “The noise from my alarm clock felt like someone was hammering ten inch nails into my head. I knew straight away that something wasn’t right and naturally presumed I was having a total mental breakdown.”
“I know I had about fifteen pints yesterday but after nearly fifteen years of binge drinking I’d like to believe that I know the difference between a psychotic episode and a hangover,” continued Windsor. “I hadn’t even been taking drugs, that I can remember, so there’s no way I should have felt that bad. There was no way I could have gone to work so I called in sick. Now that I think about it, telling them I’d ‘snapped’ and was thinking of having myself sectioned was probably a bit hasty. They’ll be surprised to see in the morning, I might have to take another day off to make it a little bit more believable.”
“I was just about to walk to my local psychiatric care unit to have myself committed when I decided it’d probably be a good idea to go back to sleep for an hour or two,” admitted Windsor. “It turned out to be a good call. I woke up at lunch time, had a couple of wanks, ate a sausage sandwich and played my PlayStation for about an hour and I made a full recovery.”
“Turns out it was just a hangover after all. Once I knew that I was able to relax and come up with a strategic plan to get myself through it. Naturally I went down the offy and got a few ciders. I’m feeling completely better now, I’m even thinking about inviting a few of the lads around and getting a couple bags in.”
At the time of going to press, Mr Windsor is believed to have made a conscious decision to take the rest of the week off after committing to pills, ketamine and whiskey for the foreseeable future.