David Morales Launches Topless OnlyFans Account
House legend David Morales has this week announced to his followers they can subscribe to his new OnlyFans account to see thousands of topless pictures, all taken over the last 40 years
Americans Unsure Whether To Inject Tan or Disinfectant First
A Trump supporter is this morning at a complete deadlock and can’t decide whether to bang up his morning hit of bleach or if indeed those tanning injections, much loved by his
Man Installing 5G Tower Admits It Was Suicide
A man who installed a local 5G tower has admitted it was an act of suicide. Hans Burn, a network logistics operator with the New World Order has admitted to installing a
R Kelly & 5G Are Forming An Evil Supergroup
R&B crooner and kidnap enthusiast, R Kelly, has announced that has recorded his 18th studio album, entitled ‘Lets Get Evil.’ The album is a 14-track collaboration with a 5G tower named Eddy
Alcohol Companies Are Now Targeting The Dead
In a bid to sidestep the increasingly strict advertising laws surrounding alcohol, drinks companies have now begun advertising their products to the dead. Due to a lack of foresight governments worldwide have
Guy Wearing Straw Hat At Festival Quietly Confident He’s A Fashion Guru
A guy who spent all of yesterday wearing a straw hat has woken up this morning feeling quietly confident that he is some sort of fashion guru. The man wearing the hat,
Kölsch Spotted Renting Hat As Luxury Miniature Yurt
According to rumours circulating this morning, a rogue Danish DJ, known to the public as Kölsch, has been seen attempting to rent his hat as a miniature luxury yurt on the festival
Man Who Isn’t Being Marginalised Feels Like He Is Being Left Out
A man who hasn’t been marginalised, discriminated against, or been the subject of online or offline sexism or racism feels like he is being left out, as if he doesn’t belong. Scott
People Discussing Brexit Overtake Marco Carola As The Most Boring Sound On Earth
“People constantly discussing Brexit are not only cunts, they are boring cunts” claimed Teresa May this morning from the steps of Downing Street. The Prime Minister is not on her own. All
Airports Now Using Tour Managers To Sniff Out Drugs
The introduction of tour managers to airports in an effort to sniff out drugs concealed amongst passengers baggage has today caused outrage amongst animal welfare groups, claiming several thousand sniffer dogs risk