Graham

Scottish Public Warned elrow Chicken Can’t Be Deep-Fried

The Scottish public have been warned not to attempt to capture and deep-fry the elrow chicken ahead of this weekend’s Elrow Town Festival in Edinburgh. Rumours circulating on social media suggest a

July 24, 2019

Promoters

1 In 4 STIs Linked To DJs

The latest research has confirmed that as many as one in every four STIs contracted in the UK is linked to a DJ. The research, carried out by some bloke called Tony,

July 12, 2019

DJs·Health & Fitness

DJ Quits Family To Concentrate On Solo Career

An aspiring English DJ has reportedly quit his family to concentrate on his solo career. Father of three, James Douglas said goodnight to his children for the last time last night before

July 12, 2019

DJs

Boring Cunt Really Hoping Muscles Make Up For Lack Of Personality

A boring cunt is believed to have spent approximately 1,500 Hours in the gym in the hope that big muscles will make up for his lack of personality. Paul Watkins, a protein

July 12, 2019

Health & Fitness

DJ Donates Entire Allocation Of Drink Tokens To Alcoholics Annonymous

A charitable DJ has reportedly promised to donate his entire allocation of drink tokens from all gigs for the remainder of the year. The DJ, who has asked to remain anonymous, is

July 12, 2019

DJs·Drinks

5 Out Of 5 Sound Engineers “Zone Out” When DJs Talk To Them

A recent survey has found that approximately one hundred percent of sound engineers completely “zone out” during conversations with DJs. While some sound engineers have admitted they would engage in conversations with

July 3, 2019

DJs·Industry Folk

DJ Drinks 20 Beers Before Set – Blames Sound System For Shit Performance

A DJ who “smashed” twenty beers before a recent set has claimed that a faulty sound system was to blame for an “extremely sub-par” performance. Dan Smith, also known as DJ Dan-In-1,

July 3, 2019

DJs·Drinks

Scientists Develop Sound System Capable Of Making Psytrance Sound Good

A team of British scientists claims to have developed a state of the art sound system that can actually make psytrance sound good. The team, based in a top-secret government compound, just

July 3, 2019

Music

Sound Engineers Genetically Less Likely To Smile

A recent article in Genetics Weekly, a little known magazine set in the murky world of genetics, has revealed that sound engineers may, in fact, be incapable of smiling. Dr Paul Bonapart,

July 2, 2019

Industry Folk

Promoter Celebrates Lifelong Goal Of Paying Rent On Time

A local promoter is reportedly celebrating this morning after achieving his lifelong goal of paying his rent on time. Paul Durkin, one of the only surviving grime promoters left in the UK,

June 25, 2019

Industry Folk·Promoters

Scottish Public Warned elrow Chicken Can’t Be Deep-Fried

1 In 4 STIs Linked To DJs

DJ Quits Family To Concentrate On Solo Career

Boring Cunt Really Hoping Muscles Make Up For Lack Of Personality

DJ Donates Entire Allocation Of Drink Tokens To Alcoholics Annonymous

5 Out Of 5 Sound Engineers “Zone Out” When DJs Talk To Them

DJ Drinks 20 Beers Before Set – Blames Sound System For Shit Performance

Scientists Develop Sound System Capable Of Making Psytrance Sound Good

Sound Engineers Genetically Less Likely To Smile

Promoter Celebrates Lifelong Goal Of Paying Rent On Time

Berlin Nightclub Berghain Introduce Secret Handshake Door Policy

“Crystal Meth Actually Good For You” Admit Doctors

“People Who Like EDM Are Technically Retarded” Claims Study

Case Closed: Tupac Death Labelled Covid-19