Pope Francis Reveals White Smoke At Papal Conclave Is Actually DMT
Pope Francis has again proven himself to be “the soundest Pope of all time” after revealing that the white smoke released during a Papal Conclave is actually DMT.
Speaking during a Q&A session on Twitter last night, the Vatican’s first citizen admitted that Papal Conclaves were his “favourite thing ever” because he got to “proper cane the deemers” during them.
Pope Francis, real name Jorge Mario Bergoglio, even went on to say that the only thing he doesn’t like about being Pope is that he’ll never get to attend another Papal Conclave.
Wunderground spoke to Francis earlier today to find out a little more about the strange Vatican custom, “Papal Conclaves are so much, it’s the one time in the Vatican that all of the cardinals get to really let their hair down and cut loose, there’s no Pope so there’s nobody to rat you out to the big lad upstairs, it’s pretty much anything goes for those few days.”
“It’s tradition to get a couple of crates of altar wine and a massive bag of deemers in for the party. It’s been going on for centuries but the quality and availability of DMT has improved a lot recently so I think we’re definitely starting to see a new breed of more enlightened cardinals,” claimed Francis, who had swapped his traditional Pope tunic for jeans, a checked shirt and a Super Dry jacket. “If you smoke enough you can really learn a lot about life, the universe and god.”
“At the Conclaves the cardinals will generally get on it for a few days, smoke the bag up in a custom made golden chalice bong and blow all of the smoke into a special chimney that collects it all until it’s ready to be released,” explained The Pope, who insisted we call him Franner. “Once all the deemers is gone you draw straws, the shortest straw is named the new Pope and the smoke is released.”
During his Q&A session Franner also revealed; Posh Spice was his favourite Spice Girl, he does like pineapple on pizza, he prefers Pro Evolution Soccer to Fifa but still uses the D-pad because he’s too old to learn how to use the analog sticks and he would take Scarlet Johanson, his iPod and green Pringles with him to a desert island.