Ibiza Council To Close Airport Following Breach Of Sound Restrictions By Boeing 737

Senior members from the Ibiza Council have confirmed they are to close the island’s airport following a constant breach of sound restrictions, describing the MD of Airport Operations, Carlos Herrera, as a “shady fucker with something to hide”.

It is believed the airport has broken the sound regulations on over one thousand occasions this summer, leaving the council with no choice but to “teach everybody a lesson” by “shutting that shit down” until further notice.

“How many times do they need to be warned?” asked Councillor Sergio Marquez. “They, along with Amnesia, Ibiza Rocks Hotel and Space, are serial offenders. If they think they can do whatever they want without consequence, they are well and truly mistaken. We are working closely with the police to stamp out any ill practice so, for the time being, the only way to and from the island is by boat.”

“I personally don’t want to see the airport go so I offered some solutions to cut the noise,” continued Marquez. “Planes could cut their engines ten miles from the island and float the remainder of the journey. Perhaps passengers could arrive via hand gliders instead of air crafts. There’s always the idea of getting dropped off in Majorca and swimming here?”

An obviously annoyed Herrera responded by telling Wunderground the following, “I have heard rumours that the Ushuaïa group wants to buy the airport and make it a VIP, private jet area only, hence all the unnecessary pressure they are putting us under. If what I have heard is true, this time next year you will only be allowed to use this airport if you prove you have a bank balance of over one million euros, or if you spend three thousand pounds on food and drinks during your two hours waiting to board the flight. Everybody else is expected to ferry it to mainland Spain.”