Horses Working In Film Industry Likely To Abuse Ketamine – Claims WWF Report
A study carried out by the World Wildlife Federation, or WWF, has revealed that horses who star in movies or TV shows are ninety percent more likely to develop a ketamine addiction.
The study, which was originally undertaken to determine whether horses involved in the film industry were enjoying a good standard of life in safe and comfortable conditions, has instead revealed the shocking truth of drug addiction and sordid lifestyles amongst the equine acting elite.
“We first noticed strange behavioral traits in horses when we looked at Mel Gibson’s horse from Braveheart,” explained Dr. Olga Burrows of the WWF during a recent seminar. “According to his file, Caesar the horse, was originally a happy working stallion from northern Italy but within two or three weeks of working with Mel he had become noticeably moody and developed a clear disliking for Jewish people, which would turn out to be a real problem for him working in the film industry.”
“We always knew that horses and humans shared a very close bond, mostly because they’re easily trained and thrive on human contact but these results suggest that the horses are actually mimicking human behaviour,” continued Dr. Burrows, “and this bond is far stronger than we ever imagined. Like the bond between a vinyl DJ and his set of Technics or a teenage boy and his wanking sock,” she added.
“We looked at a group of acting horses owned by Universal Studios,” she explained. “One particular horse called Bobo who had played both Charlie Sheen’s horse in Young Guns and Heath Ledger’s horse in Brokeback Mountain had developed a really serious ketamine dependency. It’s no secret that horses love ketamine and it’s readily available in most studios where horse scenes are shot so at first we thought it was just a coincidence that this horse had worked with these actors who were also partial to drug dependencies.”
“But then we looked at other horses in the group and found more startling similarities between horses and actors,” claimed Dr. Burrows. “David Carradine’s horse from Richard III who has now been retired to stud can no longer be milked by using the usual technique of a mare and a giant fake horse vagina,” she continued. “He now needs at least half an ounce of ketamine and to have a set of horse reins pulled around his neck chocking him to the point of passing out before he can produce even the smallest amount of semen.”
According to the study the only other environment where horses are exposed to drugs and develop drug habits on a scale similar to the film industry is in the fields of north Dublin’s working class housing estates, where horses can often be seen smoking hash and inhaling aerosols.